What would have been his 7th Birthday
*warning this post is about his last day w/ us.
Oh, where do I start?
Today is your 7th birthday. I know you are up in heaven living the best life ever, eating all the candy and playing with all the toys and iPads you want. I miss you so so much. We miss you so much. In honor of your birthday, I’m taking your siblings away for a couple of days. Away from our house that has so many memories of you and family and friends that will look at us with pitiful eyes. It’ll be me, your dad, and siblings just us. And I wish you were here with us. Because I know you would enjoy it so so much.
Life without Chase has been extremely hard. There isn’t a second that goes by that I am not wishing he is here with me and the family. There is so much of the world he was supposed to see. So here we are continuing to show the kids the world without him. But reminding them on a daily about Chase. And how Chase would feel or act if he was here.
It has been 7 months and 3 days without him. But yet I can still hear his cute little voice and contagious laughter.
I don’t think I ever shared the story of his last day with us. But it was on August 6th, 2022. Chase’s health has been declining fast the week prior. He was resting a lot more. His body was slowly shutting down and unable to heal himself. He wasn’t talking clearly, just mumbling. We tried our damnest to figure out what he wanted and give him exactly that. Both of our families were there with us all weekend because we knew it was happening fast, we just didn’t know when.
He wanted a ninja turtle ice cream when we were visiting DC back in July. And my sister knew that was something she had to find him. Thankfully my best friend came through and found the ice cream he wanted. They came over and dropped off the ice cream. Our house was full of family, surrounding him. Everyone took turns sitting and caring for Chase. I had to put Noah down for a nap so I went into my room with Noah. During our nap, Chase had a burst of energy where he was craving goldfish, not just any kind but the multicolor kind. It took them a lot of guesses before they figured out what exactly he wanted. He sent my sister and her husband on a mission, (he always sends them on a mission). I believe it was for colorful goldfish and cotton candy.
I woke up from my nap and came out to the living room where he was laying. I remember he was laying there and looked up at me and said, “Momma, Chase loves momma, Chase loves momma forever.” And I gave him a kiss and hugged him back and said I love you forever too bud. Little did I know that was the last word I would ever hear from him again. He lay there on the couch with me nearby. I remember just playing toon blast on my phone when my brother in law looks over at him and says look. I turned over to see that his breathing was getting more shallow. I remember just screaming out to daddy for everyone to come to us. I then picked him up and carried him over to our office, where we had already placed a bed in there for him. He took his final breath at 6:50pm.
It was all surreal that it was happening. The day were we dreading so much had come. No matter how much they try and prepare you for the worse, you never are ready.
Everything was a blur after. It has been the hardest year of my life and now the hardest day as we celebrate what would have been his 7th birthday without him.
In honor of Chase’s birthday I have made #teamchase shirts. Every profit made from his shirt sales will be donated back to childhood cancer research and making goodie bags for the hospitals he had treatment at.
Thank you for being here and reading this mumble of a mess of mine. I am truly thankful for all the love and support I have received in the past 3 years of our cancer journey. While he isn’t here his journey and memories will continue to live on.